A slow breaking and mending
of blood and bone
fit for the poorest
of ivory souls.
Pour tomber, pour courir,
pour mourir; no less!

No one, to you,
do tell.
A dream,
perhaps a nightmare,
that died in your arms
much too long ago.


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Saturday, April 10, 2010
A delayed bit of introspection
Let's not look back on the past, any longer than we have to. I barely recognize the girl who wore my skin (albeit, much tighter) when we retrace her steps. I can see nothing of her in myself, other than my features. I can feel nothing of her in my systems, other than her heartbeat. She and I share nothing but DNA. She does not exist, in the dimension I move freely in. I do not know her

..though I admit, I wish I still had her waist.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Snap back
If I had any sense at all, it would be so much easier to make the clear-cut choice. 

It's funny how we all have very little sense at all when we give in and choose to fall.

I am a rational being, gahdemmit.


Monday, November 16, 2009
Overanalyzing's for wimps
I could want you for all the wrong reasons, but the bottom line is that I want you, and people who know me well enough, know that that doesn't happen too often.


Saturday, November 14, 2009
Magulo, malikot
So here's what goes on inside my head, just so we clear all misconceptions about it being full of schedules and plans. Here's a peek into that node of humanity and vulnerability I try so hard to deny, just so that I don't succumb to the fact that I am ten..twenty..a million, times weaker than the average sap. 

Maybe you've seen me flash a smile and let it pass for an answer, maybe you've gotten that too often and gotten sick of the mystery I cling to. Maybe you've figured out by now, that no straight-shot answer feels safe enough to be spoken, without a smirk or shrugged shoulders. I am too far beneath the capability to answer with conviction, for fear of crucifixion. I am a million times weaker than the average sap, because I am the above-average wimp. 

I am the girl who will turn red at every comeback that hits the mark and every move that makes me wonder. I'm the kid who'll stutter at personal inquiries and admissions. I'm the fool who can't come out and confess, to save her sanity. I'm the wallflower, with one foot out the door before you tell me it's time to go. I drag my neglected high school heart around on a leash on the rare occasion that I can't keep it under lock and key.

My timing (if you can call it that), is the sloppiest shit. Every time I FINALLY decide to admit, every damn time I start to fight the fear to commit, I'm left high and dry, with the need to get hit.


Tuesday, November 10, 2009
To be or not to be!
If my thoughts were to pile up past my silly little brain -past my skull and scalp and perpetually-tousled hair; spilling back onto the screen, floating through cyberspace, would your all-assuming, unknowing eyes judge me the way I keep telling myself they're inclined to?


Saturday, September 12, 2009
Thank you, ljsecret
Sometimes, a picture (whether it's your own, or a total stranger's) 
really is worth a thousand words. 

Now that that's been said and done, time to be relatively productive 
so the last 4 hours of this day save it from being a complete bust.


Sunday, August 30, 2009
Not fishing
All I can say is why me. What could I have possibly done, or been, to deserve any of this? Based on past experiences, I'm really not much more than the next person. Oftentimes, I'm significantly less than many of the amazing people I know. I'm not the kind of performer who can make people laugh without saying more than two words. I'm not the girl who'll turn heads and break necks upon entering a room. I mess my lines up, I stand there dazed and speechless til I'm finally saved by the bell. I've always got messed-up makeup and tousled hair and I look like shitcakes in pictures I'd much rather take than be in. I am, in my own opinion, an occassional waste of time and effort..and the amount of time you've chosen to waste on me, always leaves me floored and grinning like an idiot. All I want to do, really, is try and prove to myself that I deserve the damn attention.


Saturday, August 15, 2009
When they say the heart of life is good, they mean that despite evil teachers and pop quizzes, there will always be Krispy Kremes and happy pictures. They mean that regardless of whether you UNOed a plate or shotgunned an esquisse, there will be stolen glances and gazes that make you blush whenever you catch them mid-stare. People don't say it outright, but basically, they're out to let you know that no matter how bleak the atmosphere or how deafening the silence may seem, there is a light out there -there are a million lights waiting to blind you and throw you right off guard but in the most amazing ways.

Life. It doesn't always go according to plan, but when you plan for things to remain dull and uneventful, you can usually count on life to spring a couple of surprises. Expect nothing, and soak in the unexpected :)

Oh and hey hey by the way, you make my day every so often. It doesn't take much to get me hit, a bottle or so will do. It doesn't take much to secure a smile, especially when it's you. Nobody, nobody, but..who? I'm not telling :)

Note to self: tumataba ka, masyado ka nang masaya :P Ugh I totally get why people equate fatness to being happy now! TOO MUCH CELEBRATING hahaha!


Sunday, August 9, 2009
At ease
It's just a day it's just another day it's just like every other day it's just like any other day it's just a birthday it's just an 18th birthday it's just a day commemorating your 18th year of life it's just another day you're alive it's just you it's just another day.


Saturday, August 8, 2009
Counting those chickens
Give me something to write about, something a little more concrete than these possibilities. I know I'm being impatient, but I'm notorious for my assumptions anyway. 

So tell me, are you going to be another one of those misconstrued meanings, or are you going to prove me right, for once?

This could be so damn easy and still so totally awesome.

On another note: the skinny girls always win. I want to start winning.


Thursday, August 6, 2009
You're all talk
I'm telling you now, this act we put up won't be nearly enough to sustain that nostalgic crutch we've come to lean on, if you don't get your rear in gear. There are countless possibilities to lose me to, and they're increasing exponentially as this World of mine expands. You have no idea. Trust me.


Wednesday, August 5, 2009
This took a while
After all the time that's passed and all my attempts to downplay the past, I've come right back to the threshold of those very memories. I'm a little trippy like that, a little swing-back-and-forthy til I rock my own boat into the ocean, like that. 

I guess that's one thing I'll always be, regardless of how many layers I peel off and put on, regardless of how many times I decide to reinvent myself. I suppose being that way, actually, is the one reason why I peel off and put on all those damn layers in the first place. 

Maybe I'm back here because it finally feels alright to be back. It feels right to be back. I'm not quite so shakey on my hind legs anymore..these trips down memory lane are managable. Though, I still have to work on my bikram yoga balancing-on-one-leg poses. Freaking standing head to knee.


Saturday, March 21, 2009