No one, to you,
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Anxiety, admittedly
Everything that ever was or would've been
spun into the present and thrown back
into somersaults and stomach flips.
I never knew what went through that head of yours
I might've tried too little to find those locks and keys
Maybe something about not knowing
for any amount of time
scared me more than any form of permanence
Maybe that period of uncertainty brought me right back
I recognized that feeling and it scared me
I understood well the effects and defects of what was
I saw the possible tumult lying in what could be
It was so easy to string together explanations and
half-truths, when everyone was so eager to down my words!
I wonder if they know what's going on in this head of mine
Somehow, I think they've abandoned the search for my locks and keys
But when I have to come face to face with the reality that
no matter how cleverly tucked away and hidden they may be,
once they're found, it's an easy break in;
what then?
-but when I have to see you again, what then?
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Saturday, December 13, 2008
Hypocritical retard
I realize, more and more, that I can't stand not knowing how people feel while I can't stand to let people know how I feel. And that makes me a horrible person.If I could, I would retreat so far back into fiction and prose and worlds where only one conflict exists per plot sequence -where the third person POV makes everything crystal clear, from intention to action. I'd bury my entire being into page after page of "reality" if I could. I would.
If I stay away, I won't ever have to make mistakes like that ever again..and no one'll have reason to be hurt or disappointed or proven right or wrong..no one, including me. And I won't ever have to be a horrible person.
If I keep quiet, I won't ever have to say all the wrong things that I always think are right..at the time. Time always proves me wrong. It always proves that I am a horrible person. Well, in that sense, time always proves me right.
If I don't let people in, then no one'll have the chance to realize, first hand, that I am a horrible person, ever again.
I think I'm a horrible person. Save yourselves.
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