No one, to you,
Friday, March 6, 2009
One day more
None of it is sinking in, just yet. Well, not fully, at least. It (it, being my natural tendency to be an overly emotional idiot), has been coming and going, in the most erratic waves. All these Lasts have been throwing us up and down.
Damn you, English. Damn you and your awesomeness. Damn you and the way every lesson seemed to bring me that much closer to clarity. Damn you and the bizaare obligation I felt to aim for excellence simply because I genuinely loved the subject, the "Literary high" Mrs. Villalon talked about. Damn those Shakespeare preparations, those obsessive compulsions when it came to assignments, those sleepless nights spent rereading Les Mis and Hamlet and typing up outlines. And damn that sense of fulfillment that didn't even require that "Good job" or top score. Economics, for living up to what highschool Social Studies lessons have ALWAYS been, for me -the most enriching, most relevant, most attention-grabbing lessons, regardless of whether or not it messed up my lines of 9 in my report card.
Damn you, Math E, for being the most unexplainable contradiction of my highschool life. Damn you for being my greatest source of pain, sadness, inadequacy -but at the same time, a haven full of the weirdest jokes and hearts full of acceptance.
El Fili, for the way I just read and read and reflect on the masterful way you were written, now, after pouring over you for the exams; the way I now regret not reciting in class or reading the assigned kabanatas when I was supposed to! The way I feel the urge to devour every single detail and scrutinize every hidden agenda, social issue, or perfectly concealed bit of humor in Rizal's masterpiece! (Damn you, Shimora Pasela, as well, for contributing to this overwhelming sense of wonder and nationalism!)
Damn you, Physics for the perseverance and hardwork I've learned to feed off. Damn you for those mind-numbing problems that forced me to shake of my senioritis inertia and actually set my brain into motion, and the way that I can't help but randomly apply your concepts to my daily life. Damn the way I keep trying to estimate the most insanely insignificant little examples of work or force or motion!
And, forgive me Lord, but damn you, CLE, for strengthening my Faith with reason. For filling in the blanks, qualifying the terms, and setting the criteria for the actualization of my otherwise mind-boggling desire to find God. For the way you made me realize the limits of my human comprehension, then proceeded to teach me how to overcome them by working with Him.
What is it about highschool that makes us turn schizophrenic; banging on the exits one minute, and clinging on for dear life, the next? They say we're about to be flung into the Real World..but for what it's worth, this was all pretty damn Real, to me.
What is it about highschool that makes us turn schizophrenic; banging on the exits one minute, and clinging on for dear life, the next? They say we're about to be flung into the Real World..but for what it's worth, this was all pretty damn Real, to me.
There are whole classrooms full of people I will never see, collectively, again. There is a whole classroom that will never be the same, again -a whole building, a whole campus! There are hallways, cafeterias, benches, gymnasiums and courtyards that will never echo our laughter and tears and "Like, omg"s, ever again.
- but there are 163 hearts and minds and memories (once all that Physics data has been deleted!), that will.
And for every life we've touched in one way or another, for every bit of us that might have left an indelible mark, there will be whispers of a legacy we've lived, of a challenge we've issued, and a change we've pioneered.
And for every life we've touched in one way or another, for every bit of us that might have left an indelible mark, there will be whispers of a legacy we've lived, of a challenge we've issued, and a change we've pioneered.
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