like Manila traffic

Saturday, March 21, 2009

What's happening?

Why're things getting so strange, so suddenly,

and why am I so surprised

when the truth is

I saw this all coming

the minute I decided to start keeping my mouth shut?

You talk but nobody hears you,

you reach out but nobody grabs hold.

You're left hanging so often

that the fear is paralyzing.

I guess I just figured that the only surefire way to stop failing

was to stop trying.

I guess I need to learn how to love unconditionally. I guess I'm scared.

I hope I'm not too late.

Or too lost.

I sort of feel like I am.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Pending

So many of us are just waiting to pounce on those second chances. Those "should've been"s and ones that got away. Sometimes it really is lovelier the second time around. More often than not, it's worth the wait.

For those who've been blessed with more than we expected, congratulations! -and thank you for giving the rest of us another ounce of hope..hope that we just might be next on the list :)

Saturday, March 7, 2009

We're related not by blood, but by life :)

To the awesome lady who welcomed me into an equally awesome family,

took care of me,

and did a job even my biological mother would've been proud of:

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOMMY MEL :)
Goodluck with that thesis, we're both going to work our butts off today! :)
-cause I haveta make my mommy proud! :>
Congratulations in advance for "Best Thesis" ;>

Friday, March 6, 2009

Watakwa

There's still so much I want to say
but these days, time is slipping away.
With all of these Lasts, and "Thank You, Goodbye"s,
like the silly girl I am, I just break down and cry.

It's all way too sentimental
and I know that I look like a fool,
because though this place made me go MENTAL
with the stress and the work and the rules

for some reason I just can't describe,
how I'll miss every voice, every face.
Forty reasons that go beyond rhymes,
forty people I'll never replace.

So no matter how far you go
-and I know we're all going far;
I pray that you will always know
and remember that, wherever you are:

Forty sentimental people like me
who won't care if they sound just like fools
would love to go Home to good old IV-3
and spend everyday with you :)

One day more

None of it is sinking in, just yet. Well, not fully, at least. It (it, being my natural tendency to be an overly emotional idiot), has been coming and going, in the most erratic waves. All these Lasts have been throwing us up and down.

Damn you, English. Damn you and your awesomeness. Damn you and the way every lesson seemed to bring me that much closer to clarity. Damn you and the bizaare obligation I felt to aim for excellence simply because I genuinely loved the subject, the "Literary high" Mrs. Villalon talked about. Damn those Shakespeare preparations, those obsessive compulsions when it came to assignments, those sleepless nights spent rereading Les Mis and Hamlet and typing up outlines. And damn that sense of fulfillment that didn't even require that "Good job" or top score.

Economics, for living up to what highschool Social Studies lessons have ALWAYS been, for me -the most enriching, most relevant, most attention-grabbing lessons, regardless of whether or not it messed up my lines of 9 in my report card.

Damn you, Math E, for being the most unexplainable contradiction of my highschool life. Damn you for being my greatest source of pain, sadness, inadequacy -but at the same time, a haven full of the weirdest jokes and hearts full of acceptance.

El Fili, for the way I just read and read and reflect on the masterful way you were written, now, after pouring over you for the exams; the way I now regret not reciting in class or reading the assigned kabanatas when I was supposed to! The way I feel the urge to devour every single detail and scrutinize every hidden agenda, social issue, or perfectly concealed bit of humor in Rizal's masterpiece! (Damn you, Shimora Pasela, as well, for contributing to this overwhelming sense of wonder and nationalism!)

Damn you, Physics for the perseverance and hardwork I've learned to feed off. Damn you for those mind-numbing problems that forced me to shake of my senioritis inertia and actually set my brain into motion, and the way that I can't help but randomly apply your concepts to my daily life. Damn the way I keep trying to estimate the most insanely insignificant little examples of work or force or motion!

And, forgive me Lord, but damn you, CLE, for strengthening my Faith with reason. For filling in the blanks, qualifying the terms, and setting the criteria for the actualization of my otherwise mind-boggling desire to find God. For the way you made me realize the limits of my human comprehension, then proceeded to teach me how to overcome them by working with Him.

What is it about highschool that makes us turn schizophrenic; banging on the exits one minute, and clinging on for dear life, the next? They say we're about to be flung into the Real World..but for what it's worth, this was all pretty damn Real, to me.

There are whole classrooms full of people I will never see, collectively, again. There is a whole classroom that will never be the same, again -a whole building, a whole campus! There are hallways, cafeterias, benches, gymnasiums and courtyards that will never echo our laughter and tears and "Like, omg"s, ever again.

- but there are 163 hearts and minds and memories (once all that Physics data has been deleted!), that will.

And for every life we've touched in one way or another, for every bit of us that might have left an indelible mark, there will be whispers of a legacy we've lived, of a challenge we've issued, and a change we've pioneered.